


They Could Never Tear Us Apart

by Starrstruck_64



Series: Fun With Tropes [5]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Historical, Amnesia, Bodyswap, Crossdressing, Drabbles, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/F, Fake Marriage, Female!Diego, Female!Klaus, Gen, Genderbending, Huddling For Warmth, M/M, Mpreg, Panty Kink, Pretending To Be Married, Prompt Fic, Secretly a Virgin, Sharing a Bed, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, Time Travel, Truth or Dare, Woodstock, five sentence fics, time loop apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 13:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19854463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starrstruck_64/pseuds/Starrstruck_64
Summary: Back again but with Kliego for the prompt list





	They Could Never Tear Us Apart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MischiefWriter9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MischiefWriter9/gifts).



> I’m the queen of run-on sentences so English majors beware.

**1\. genderswap**

“It’s n-n-not fu-funny,” Dinah snaps crossing her arms over her chest as she tries her best to scowl at Karoline.

“Really cuz I think it’s hilarious,” Karoline grins wide as the Cheshire Cat as she stretches out in the chair opposite Dinah.

“/If/ i were to date girls, you’d be the last one I’d ever date,” Dinah says rather petulantly, she’s honestly not sure if she’s lying more to herself or Karoline at this point.

“You’d be lucky to have me,” Karoline smirks blowing Dinah a kiss and giving her a flirty wink as she moves to gather her ball from the return shoot.

If Dinah’s eyes are glued a little more closely to the ample curve of Karoline’s ass as she bends to roll the ball down the lane granny style, well that will be her little secret.

**2\. bodyswap**

“De why do you wear so many damn layers,” Klaus whines hopping about like a gigantic kid, and god does it look weird considering Klaus is currently trapped in Diego’s body.

Diego frowns, except it doesn’t hold too much clout considering how out of place and overly expressive it looks on Klaus’s face, “don’t be such a baby, Klaus, you can’t very well do vigilante work in tank tops and shorts,” he snaps back and the quip comes out more catty than hard as intended.

“Pity, and here I was thinking of trading your 2000-and-bore emo shit for a tye-dye skirt,” Klaus grins enjoying how the the plastic cup Diego throws his way careens wildly to the left a few feet off target and crashed pitifully to the ground with a loud clatter.

“You do and I buzz your curls, Woodstock,” Diego counters once he realizes his powers very much are connected to his body and not his essence, “Capisce?”

“Sheesh so angry, Go-go, maybe work on that before we tackle your clothing choice,” Klaus counters; the second cup smacks Klaus dead center of his chest.

**3\. drunk!fic**

Klaus is too damn sober for this shit, that much he is certain, but considering his “my body is a temple” brother went and fucked off trying to find comfort in the bottom of a cheap bottle of whiskey, one of them had to remain sober.

“Your eyes are like really p-p-pretty,” Diego hiccups from his haphazard position sprawled half across Klaus on the bus.

“You’re going to be feeling that tomorrow,” Klaus murmurs regarding Diego with a sympathetic smile having had his own fair share of hangovers to contend.

Diego rolls his eyes and honest to god pouts in response, ignoring Klaus’ warning in favor of climbing into said brother’s lap, “would much rather be feeling you,” Diego practically purrs grinning just shy of manic. 

Klaus isn’t even surprised when they get kicked off at the next stop, he can’t fault the driver when Diego smells like a walking still and the innocent cuddling had slowly morphed into singleminded focused grinding; no he’s not surprised in the least bit.

**4\. huddling for warmth**

“You’re an idiot,” Klaus grumbles shucking off his jacket before grabbing hold of Diego’s wrists to tug him forward and wrap him up snuggly within the confines of said jacket.

It’s a testament to how cold Diego is that he doesn’t dispute the claim just stands there, teeth chattering as he rocks slightly forward into Klaus’ space.

“I don’t care how long you can hold your breath, you can still fucking freeze,” Klaus is angry, he thinks it’s justified considering he just saw Diego go under the icy lake and stay there 21 and a half minutes.

Wetting his lips Diego turns a hand over letting the dog tags he’d dived to get dangle between frozen fingers in a peace offering.

Klaus sighs taking hold of the chain, anger ebbing slightly, “I’m still mad at you asshole,” it’d probably hold more weight if he wasn’t smiling faintly.

**5\. pretending to be married**

It’s Five’s fucking fault, of that Diego is 100% sure, he should have known something was up when the perpetually dapper Number Five had blinked into view wearing the world’s most hideous purple shirt emblazoned with rainbow print proclaiming “I love my two dads”; but hindsight is a bitch.

Diego still isn’t quite sure how Five got him to agree, he thinks he may have extorted a new set of military grade tactical knives, but really he should have got it in writing.

“Diego darling,” Klaus song-songs waving erratically Diego’s way making an absolute spectacle of himself in that goddamn ruffled monstrosity of a shirt he claims is his best one; suddenly Diego wishes he’d have asked for more — the knives were beautiful but not nearly enough for the task at hand.

Taking a large drink of champagne Diego braces himself crossing the room to stand near Klaus, who immediately snakes an arm around Diego’s waist the second he’s in reaching distance.

“Liebling do tell the Jackson’s how you proposed, I simply can’t do it justice,” Klaus smirks resting a hand on his chest practically swooning; yea Five is fucking dead.

**6\. secretly a virgin**

“I’m sorry De gonna need you to repeat that,” Klaus says popping up from where he’s splayed between his brother’s legs.

Arm thrown over his eyes Diego mumbles once more, and yea Klaus is clearly hearing things because there’s no way his sex on legs brother is still in possession of his VCard.

“Exsqueeze me, how, I mean I know how...actually I don’t, you’re way too fucking sexy to have missed your shot...wait so you mean you and the lady cop never got down and dirty,” Klaus waggles his brows.

Diego groans placing a foot on Klaus’ chest and giving him a shove away, “can we not talk about her when you’ve got your lubed hands near my ass.”

“Aw baby, don’t worry I’m going to rock your world, best first time ever, scouts honor” Klaus grins moving back into position delighting when Diego’s annoyed groans morph to one’s of pleasure.

**7\. amnesia**

When Klaus comes to there’s a beautiful man sitting at the chair to his right and he looks positively heartbroken which in itself is sad because this guy is way too pretty to look so broken.

“You okay man, it’s not the end of the world you know,” Klaus tries for jovial but judging by the storm of emotions swirling in those amber eyes he guessed he missed by a mile.

“You don’t remember me do you,” the beautiful man asks, shoulders slumping and if possible he looks even more hopeless.

Klaus has this terrible feeling that he’s about to disappoint this man and that’s the last thing he wants to do so instead he says: “no, but I’d love to find out...please?”

And so he listens as the man talks of an Academy run by a tyrant, of lives forever entwined, an averted apocalypse and a changed dynamic long overdue, and god Klaus wishes he could remember because this beautiful man loves him and he thinks he could relearn loving him too.

**8\. cross-dressing**

They’re going at it like teenagers, riding the glorious high of ‘we survived’ when Klaus pulls up short and Diego whines — sex fogged brain unable to compute why that glorious friction has stopped.

“Diego darling,” Klaus smiles wide, fingers brushing tantalizing slow over lace, snapping the waist band in retaliation to get Diego to focus, “I thought you said these were ruined by the wash?”

Diego flushes red, awareness dousing him like a bucket of ice water as he tries his best to stammer through a plausible explanation of why he’s wearing Klaus’ panties; god he’s so fucking busted.

“Relax baby, I’m not mad at you, quite the opposite really,” Klaus continues with a grin and pointed roll of his hips to accentuate his point as he continues holding Diego’s gaze, “You’re gorgeous in leather, fuck, but babe you’re positively divine in lace,” Klaus murmurs ducking down to steal another kiss.

This time they really are ruined, soaked through in a mix of cum and saliva, and Klaus makes a mental note to replace all of Diego’s unmentionables with lace panties.

**9\. forced to share a bed**

Diego gives Klaus what he hopes is his best shooting daggers gaze when Luther doles out hotel keys and says he has to share the bed with Klaus.

It’s not that he really cares, but what they have is new and hidden from their siblings still, and he kind of wants to keep it that way and enjoy the newness a little longer.

Later when they’re curled up in the cramped hotel mattress Klaus retaliates with cold feet sliding along his calf and a not so gentle tug on his piercing.

“They’re going to find out you know...think Five already has the little perceptive shit he is,” he says matter-of-factly delighting in the hiss that escapes Diego as he arches slightly closer.

“I know, but it’s nice having something just for us,” Diego murmurs as he slides his hands down Klaus’ waist and Klaus supposes his brother is right; they share everything else, it’s delightful having some sense of privacy for once.

**10\. truth or dare**

Somewhere Sir Reginad Hargreeves is rolling in his grave; playtime is limited to twelve to half past twelve on Saturdays only and really as adults playtime is long over.

Still someone had the bright idea to start in on missed out juvenile games a few rounds back and even though Klaus has been sipping water all night he’s easily the most excited one of the bunch when Five of all people suggests a game of truth or dare.

“I call first,” he shouts practically vibrating out of his seat as he waves his arms in an unnecessary attempt to get everyone’s attention, “I want a dare, someone dare me.”

There’s a collective groan because they know it’s pointless, their brother has no shame and any dare they suggest is going to be a cakewalk, still nobody could have been prepared for Vanya’s retort: “I dare you to stop flirting with Diego and finally ask him out already.”

Diego is flushing pink up to his ears but Klaus looks like a damn shark the way he’s grinning as he saunters his way across the room, “how about it big guy, wanna help me make two and four equal sex,” he asks with a wink counting it as a success when Diego only turns a darker shade of pink instead of throwing a knife.

**11\. historical AU**

“Dude no, absolutely not, the guy is obviously a cop,” Ben whines trying to talk Klaus down from his grand idea that he go chat up the smoldering Latino standing guard by the gate leading backstage.

“But Benny you’re no fun, he just looks so good...I wanna taste —“ and that’s as far as Klaus gets before Ben slaps a hand over his mouth and directs an exasperated glare his way.

“We are on day 2 of a 3 day festival of love and your dumbass is going to get booted before The Grateful Dead come on, and if you think I’m going to bail you out you’re mistaken, bro I’m broke.”

Licking across Ben’s palm Klaus grins triumphantly as the boy yanks his hand away before straightening up his vest, “bro you said it yourself, it’s a festival of love and cops need love too.”

Ben wants to protest more but he knows Klaus’ mind is made up so it’s a moot point; he should consider it a good sign that Officer Broody doesn’t immediately drop Klaus but rather flushes pink and smiles a bit hopeful.

**12\. accidental-baby-acquisition**

Diego figures traveling through time as a group for the first time ever will result in a bumpy landing; in fact he’s already braced himself for that inevitability, so he’s a little surprised when he hears his siblings crash in a heap around him and he just feels like he’s floating.

It’s a nice feeling until he opens his eyes and reality comes crashing down around him in the form of a kick from his abdomen startling a yelp from him because seriously what the fuck is inside him?

“I think I got the equation wrong,” Five says at least having the decency to look apologetic from his sprawl on the floor looking up at the, still floating, very pregnant teenage Diego.

“You think,” Diego seethes and honestly he feels like he wants to cry between the influx of teenage hormones and now the pregnancy ones thrust on top of those he’s swimming well outside his depth of emotional capability.

“De breathe, all that stress isn’t good for the baby,” Klaus says like that’s a normal thing to worry about instead of why the fuck there’s a baby to begin with and it takes all of Diego’s will power not to scream.

**13\. apocalypse fic**

Diego is beginning to think it’s them in general causing the end of the world because they’ve travelled back to the start 100 times now and each pass through has ended in annihilation.

First had been Vanya’s moon cataclysm, followed in quick secession by: the zombies Klaus inadvertently raised, Luther’s rhesus styled STD that wiped out a third of he population, Ben’s space time continuum breakdown, Five had simply thrown in the towel once and started WW3 via assassinating the President, and Allison once rumored Reginald to be a decent dad and go figure that ended with the most spectacular apocalypse of all.

There’d been countless more, a few Diego was less than proud of starting, but the point remained that they’d traveled back as a do-over and had yet to get it right.

“Wanna make out while the asteroids fall to Earth,” Klaus asks nonchalantly watching the news report showing Luther and Allison’s botched nuking of the asteroid hurtling towards the Yucatán peninsula.

“Why the fuck not,” Diego shrugs because impending apocalypse or not he deserves a win.

**14\. telepathy**

They’re sat at the table for family breakfast but honestly Klaus can give fuck all about what they’re eating because he’s too busy watching shove an entire waffle in his mouth and can’t help but think how he’d like to fill said mouth with something else.

Then suddenly Diego is hacking up a lung and sending him the most appalled look across the table before stammering out a “bro what the fuck, warn me before you want to start waxing poetic on oral, I nearly died.”

Everyone is looking between the two confused and it takes Klaus a moment to realize he’d been projecting and Diego’d been privy to his entire inner monologue before he’s asking rather excitedly “you heard me??”

“Uh yea loud and clear,” Diego says finally calming down and reaching for his coffee.

Klaus waits until Diego has a mouthful before he purposely thinks loudly how much he wants to make Diego’s mouth his own personal cock-warmer delighting in how far Diego manages to shoot coffee through his nose this time around.

**15\. High School / College**

“Stop making fuck me eyes at the TA bro, it’s never gonna happen,” Ben murmurs leaning forward in his seat so only Klaus can hear him.

“oh really, then why did he invite me to the Jolly Roger for drink this Saturday,” Klaus grins never taking his eyes off Diego who’s grading papers up front.

“Bullshit,” Ben says far too loudly before lowering his voice and shifting to the empty seat next to Klaus, “you’re lying.”

“Am I though,” Klaus asks holding up his phone to show Ben a racy photo of their TA with a hand down his pants and the caption ‘thinking of you’.

“You owe me so many waffles to make up for this level of trauma you’ve inflicted on me,” Ben grumbles trying his best for frustrated even though he’s happy for Klaus.


End file.
